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Walking:Holding

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So I’ll set some context for this blog first, in case you read it at some other point.  The Orlando massacre was a few weeks back.  Turkey had a mass shooting.  Brexit happened and half the country is wandering around chanting that ‘we’ve won and the immigrants can go home’ (or similar racist twaddle) and the other half is chanting for peace, unity and is wearing safety pins following the online campaign (I’m distinctly in the latter half, just to be clear on that).  In the middle of this weekend another attack happens in Istanbul.

So pretty much there were displays of hatred everywhere, distinct uncertainty about the political and economic future of the UK and a total lack of firm leadership from any political party.  Hardly an ideal time for any kind of project around connecting you’d think.

Then along comes the Walking:Holding project.  I read about the project after being introduced to it by the CEO of Support U.  They were looking for people who were either from different sexualities or gender non-conforming (I pretty much tick both of those boxes).  So I got in contact with the organisers and signed up.

The concept is pretty simple – the audience is actually out in the town centre, wandering around holding hands with each person for around 5 minutes whilst you wander around and either have a bit of a chat or just walk in silence.  The audience experiences not only a snippet of your life (as you are pretty much talking about yourself, not really discussing the weather), but also how other people react to you as people holding hands.

I wanted to get involved as I’m all about raising trans awareness.  I’ve really discovered that simply sitting down with someone and letting them have a chat with someone who is transgender is single best way to raise awareness of what it means for transgender people.  And it’s pretty hard to direct hatred at any kind of minority group when you are sitting down with them.  Turns out it’s even harder when you are holding their hands, but I’m jumping ahead.

So my motivation for getting involved was decidedly altruistic, however I was promoting *my* cause (i.e. being trans/LGBT) and not really thinking about anything else.  Turns out I was in for a bit of a shock in that respect!

The one thing I hadn’t overly considered was that everyone else involved in the project would be unique in their own special way.  We had a definite collection of people from all walks of life and backgrounds involved in the project and what surprised me the most was simply how much each of us was in need of some positivity at this point.  It didn’t matter what our ethnic origin was, what our sexuality was, what disabilities we had, how we defined our gender or what our life story was about.  Every single one of us had something that set us apart from the ‘norm’ in some way, but every single one of us still needed that most basic of human connections with someone else.  Equally we were all empathic, compassionate and open to forming new connections and understanding about other people.

The concept of holding hands seems so simple – but that intimate touch and connection forms a bond that almost indescribable.  I held hands with pretty much every person involved with the project (and all the audience members – I’ll get to them later!) at one point or another and each time there was a different connection formed.  It really surprised me how much quicker a bond of friendship formed and how what would normally be a small-talk or almost banal conversation deepened.  I was also quite startled by how easy it was to share often quite personal things with an almost total stranger (and vice versa).

We had a workshop one evening discussing the project where we met most of the people involved (you know who you are, I’m not mentioning names or anything for this blog!).  We jelled really well and found that most of us had mutual connections within the local area of some form.  At the end of the workshop, when we all discussed how we felt about the workshop there were more than a few tears rolling around the room.  In fact there are still a few in my eyes as I type up this blog.

A few nights later we moved on to a rehearsal where we met everyone else involved in the project (including a couple of awesome small people) and planned out the route around Reading.  We did a dry run with one of the organising team and it all seemed like a fairly simple idea.  All I had to do was hold hands with someone and walk up towards the Oracle, go through the middle of it for a bit and hand over to someone else on Broad Street.

I was the only person doing the entire project over the weekend (I’d booked the weekend out for the project in advance as I was so interested in it), and we had 24 audience members across the two days walking alongside each of us and holding hands.  Each audience member got to experience 5 or 6 different people, all connected with Reading in some way (or with the project).

Some of the highlights of those people include:

  • A bride and bridesmaid doing the experience as part of their hen do
  • A few groups of friends being involved in the project
  • Parents and children or husbands and wives being audience members
  • Some conversations not even mentioning the fact that I was trans
  • People I could see secondary connections with through Reading
  • People who have direct experience of other people who are trans already
  • People who I was the first trans person that they had met (that they knew of…)

Overall the things I took away from the audience members was a feeling of care and protection – holding hands with someone does form a sympathetic bond despite the fact that we were total strangers. Almost every single person expressed that in some way or another (as did I in some cases), either directly (i.e. have you experienced hate crime) or in some other way (verbally or non-verbally).  Equally I felt that there wasn’t enough time to get to know each person and I wanted to know more!  I wrote notes on every single person I met and the one word that I distinctly overused was ‘lovely’ – either describing the conversation, how their grasp felt or how I felt the overall interaction was.

A few times whilst wandering back to the start point I still felt the warmth of the connection lingering in my hands and giving me something physical to dwell on.

Initially I thought that the day was going to be full of cisgender people asking all the usual awkward questions about trans people that you hear about (‘have you always known’, ‘are you going all the way’, or even worse ‘are you getting the op’) – turns out a lot of people surprised me with their concern, discretion and I was even asked my pronouns at one point.  Whether this is indicative of the people involved, the connection formed by holding hands or simply better awareness of trans people in general I can’t ascertain.  In fact there was only one person who asked anything even remotely inappropriate, and even that was brushed off with a simple response.

From the project as a whole I was distinctly humbled by meeting every other person and experiencing a bit of their life, their challenges and the things that they face in the future.  It helped to put my issues into perspective in many ways and whilst I do face issues and challenges both now and in the future for my transition I’m not the only person facing challenges, and some people face issues that are far more complex and equally outside their control.

I feel like I’ve definitely expanded my horizons as a result of this project, and formed some new friendships with people that I would never normally mix with as a result of it, and I look forward to seeing where they lead in the future!

As a final thought I’d like to offer massive thanks to everyone involved in setting up and supporting the project, including the artist (Rosana Cade) that created it!

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