I believe in a Sexuality Spectrum, with Lesbian/Gay at one end, Straight at the other and all variations in-between. I also believe in a Gender Spectrum, with male and female at either end and all variations between. Throughout these spectra you find asexual people, and people living outside of binary genders.
During my childhood I was told many stupid things; like if you used moisturiser you were gay. There were no openly queer people and rural poverty, ignorance & lack of transport meant that I lived in constant fear that my “true self” would be found out.
I grew up feeling that boys had less freedom than girls to experiment with their sexuality and gender roles. If a girl kissed a girl on the high street that was OK. But a boy would get his face smashed in if he tried to kiss a boy. Girls could wear “boys” clothes like hoodies and baggy jeans but boys couldn’t wear “girls” clothes. I wanted to be a girl and be free to wear pretty things and kiss boys.
Then I discovered the internet and moved to London. For the first time in my life I felt free and I loved it!
I started challenging the gender binary system. I wore “women’s” clothes to various TG/TV clubs such as Way Out, Stunners, Legs and went out “dressed” to more everyday places. I made friends with Transgender Women and all those in-between, Transvestites, Crossdressers, Drag Queen’s and Hairy Panty Wearers were some of the terms I encountered. Many terms were said in a derogatory way with negative connotations. I discovered that, although I do not like the male gender role I do not at present wish to transition into a female. I prefer the terms Gender Fluid and Gender Queer as they imply that I can just be myself.
In practice though it is hard to be Gender Fluid; in the workplace dress codes currently discriminate against men who wish to break away from the gender binary. I was told by a former line manager that my shorts at work were unacceptable despite her skirt being shorter than my shorts. I had shaved my legs the night before, bought smart knee length shorts and was pleased that in the hot weather, I could finally show off my legs as per the women in my office. I was left feeling humiliated with a sense, yet again, of a curtailment of freedom of expression.
I’m aware that the dress codes we have in our offices today come from a patriarchal society originally intended to subjugate women. I support feminism, because equality for both sexes, indeed for everyone, is my goal. But men too can suffer from our current gender binary system and this needs to be acknowledged.
A sexuality binary system exists in the minds of some gay men too and it isn’t just straight men who can be narrow minded. For instance a gay male friend of mine once said “bi men don’t exist, they’re just gay men who can’t accept that they’re gay.” I corrected him by saying that yes I do exist, and so do many others.
Some men refused to acknowledge my bisexuality when I first started going out “dressed”. I was far from “convincing”, but lots of men “accidentally” fell into the clubs and went home to bed with me saying that they were 100% straight.
Some men like relationships and sex with woman and also like sex with men. But historical stigma means that they will not admit to being bisexual. There is evidence to back this up.
https://yougov.co.uk/news/2015/08/16/half-young-not-heterosexual/
“With each generation, people see their sexuality as less fixed in stone. The results for 18-24 year-olds are particularly striking, as 43% place themselves in the non-binary area.”
Bisexuality
Whereas you only have to go onto Trans or gay dating sites to see thousands of older men who are married and/or in the closet who claim to be straight but want to sleep with men and/or people of Trans orientation.
Younger generations seem far more receptive to the idea of sexuality and gender spectrum’s. Trans Women and Men are thankfully starting to get rights and acceptance, though still a long way to go. And Bisexuals are becoming more visible.
However in my opinion there still needs to be greater recognition for those who don’t want to transition but who are Gender Fluid and just want to be themselves.